Rainey Morgan’s Story

(This is a guest blog by Becky about her daughter, Rainey Morgan. Thank you for sharing this, Becky.)

I’ve let her go.

Rainey Morgan was born still on June 30, 2009.

I was 29 weeks pregnant when she died, 30 weeks when she was delivered.

This means nothing, in terms of weeks, except that those days between eating popsicles to get a kick and getting a lovely box of memories to take home seems like years.

I fully support encouraging the issue of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death.

I have also learned, however, that, as much as I’ve always thought I LONGED to tell my story, I’m really not ready. Maybe I never will be.

I thank everyone for sharing their stories, and I’ve made wonderful friends from the experience.

What I think has happened to me, with all the publicity, and taking it upon myself to advocate awareness, is that I’ve come to accept that life goes on. And, unfortunately, that many just can’t relate.

I’ve always “known” this, and thankfully I had a fantastic counselor to help me through the grief as well as the fear during the “subsequent” pregnancy.

But when it comes down to it, I think I may have finally let her go. My first child, my little girl, and the one we planned and hoped for. We’ve recently bought a modest house with a lovely acre of land with a creek. It is time to let her go, down the creek, like the leaf she is that fell off of the family tree.

I am not special. She is not particularly special. Many of us will grieve for the rest of our lives. I want to think that she is the brightest star in the sky, and to me she is, but there are many, many stars in the sky. I’m very thankful to have our daughter Vanessa, our rainbow babe. Someday she will know. Not today.

I call her Rainey June. I’ve always loved the rain, and it was a very rainy June that year. I also realized (or imagined) that when she was cremated, she went up into the atmosphere and rained down on me for days. I’ve never, ever been so sad.

Becky